Sunday, January 30, 2011

A Sense of Direction

Hello any sucker bored enough to be reading this. I was struggling for a while to come up with a sense of direction for this blog and still am, really. I have decided for now to take the 'Maddox' or 'Ninjapirate' (Except probably not as funny) approach and make it general musings and ramblings that I've come up with that people seem to enjoy. These started off as "Song of the Day" threads on a forum that holds a lot of shame for me. I posted the same song every day and wrote things like this. I figured I'd take it to a more appropriate medium and to a broader audience. I take myself super seriously and everything I say is 100% super serious. I suppose we should kick it off with something endearing that has always troubled me.

There are a lot of terrible ways to die. Some are horrible because of the pain that is surely involved, and others suck because of the humiliation that is involved and the endless taunting they must suffer in the afterlife.

I would rather die a painful death than a humiliating one, just in case. Dying trying to rescue a chick from an active volcano is pretty manly and heroic. What the fuck was she doing in there anyway? Women are so stupid, always getting stuck in volcanoes. Being crushed by a plasma TV mounted over your bed is not very manly, especially if you were watching Top Chef. I love Top Chef, fuck you.

Getting maimed to death by an animal is very hit or miss. Killed in a boxing match with a kangaroo? Pretty manly. KIA in the extreme sport of Rhino Rodeo? Manly as shit. Being stung to death by bees? What a pussy. Getting eaten by an elephant? They're herbivores and you happened to look like a plant. Vegetation and vegetarians are very unmanly. 


Getting murdered is another big one. Get shot to death...what are you a minority? Cut that shit out. Rape, do I even need to get into it? Go out and get curb stomped, or go out in style to a crippler cross-face. Benoit's kid and wife may have died a tragic and untimely death, but at least it was manly. Make sure your death isn't babytown.

23 comments:

  1. Okay this was the first time I laughed at a blog. I love Top Chef too man. If I had to choose a way to die, i'd do it in the most spectacular way possible. Like if I saved a preschool from terrorists, but I died cause I lost too much blood from the gunshots/knifestabs.

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  2. Rhino Rodeo? Sign me up, motherfucker.

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  3. No death is manly, just death.

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  4. I like it, very... original.
    I'll be following you around like a stalker, man.

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  5. Funniest blog I've read in a long time. Good stuff, my friend.

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  6. Unfortunately, I can see myself getting owned by bees. not good.

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  7. My personal favorites are suicide by jumping into a wood chipper, drowning, starvation or dehydration, and carbon monoxide poisoning.

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  8. ;_; now you've got me crying over one of my favorite wrestlers...

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  9. Next time I die, I'll remember this.

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  10. Lol. Utterly tasteless, but hilarious all the same.

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  11. LOL awesome post. And the picture just makes it that much better

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  12. Thanks for the great comments guys 8) keep looking out here, I'll try to update this often with more material like this.

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  13. I foresee a cancerous death for me.

    Not good.

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  14. "Getting eaten by an elephant? They're herbivores and you happened to look like a plant. Vegetation and vegetarians are very unmanly."

    I love you lol. Followed

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  15. Look, this is your blog and you should feel comfortable to use it in any way you like. :)
    Following and supporting!

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  16. Dude, bees are manly. There are hornets out there larger then some birds. Think of what a swarm of those would do to some poor smuck.

    Check me out at:
    http://brassdragons.blogspot.com/

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  17. the worst way to die for me will always be drowning. nothing like not being capable of taking air into your lungs.

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  18. The only way I would want to die is fighting Chuck Norris!

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  19. I would not want to burn alive. That to me, is the most horrific way to die.

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