Sunday, January 30, 2011

A Sense of Direction

Hello any sucker bored enough to be reading this. I was struggling for a while to come up with a sense of direction for this blog and still am, really. I have decided for now to take the 'Maddox' or 'Ninjapirate' (Except probably not as funny) approach and make it general musings and ramblings that I've come up with that people seem to enjoy. These started off as "Song of the Day" threads on a forum that holds a lot of shame for me. I posted the same song every day and wrote things like this. I figured I'd take it to a more appropriate medium and to a broader audience. I take myself super seriously and everything I say is 100% super serious. I suppose we should kick it off with something endearing that has always troubled me.

There are a lot of terrible ways to die. Some are horrible because of the pain that is surely involved, and others suck because of the humiliation that is involved and the endless taunting they must suffer in the afterlife.

I would rather die a painful death than a humiliating one, just in case. Dying trying to rescue a chick from an active volcano is pretty manly and heroic. What the fuck was she doing in there anyway? Women are so stupid, always getting stuck in volcanoes. Being crushed by a plasma TV mounted over your bed is not very manly, especially if you were watching Top Chef. I love Top Chef, fuck you.

Getting maimed to death by an animal is very hit or miss. Killed in a boxing match with a kangaroo? Pretty manly. KIA in the extreme sport of Rhino Rodeo? Manly as shit. Being stung to death by bees? What a pussy. Getting eaten by an elephant? They're herbivores and you happened to look like a plant. Vegetation and vegetarians are very unmanly. 


Getting murdered is another big one. Get shot to death...what are you a minority? Cut that shit out. Rape, do I even need to get into it? Go out and get curb stomped, or go out in style to a crippler cross-face. Benoit's kid and wife may have died a tragic and untimely death, but at least it was manly. Make sure your death isn't babytown.
Posted by Adam at 1:17 PM

23 comments:

  1. MilkballsJanuary 30, 2011 at 7:52 PM

    Crippler cross-face. Classy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. SivadJanuary 30, 2011 at 8:23 PM

    Okay this was the first time I laughed at a blog. I love Top Chef too man. If I had to choose a way to die, i'd do it in the most spectacular way possible. Like if I saved a preschool from terrorists, but I died cause I lost too much blood from the gunshots/knifestabs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. CreamSodaAndWhiskeyJanuary 30, 2011 at 8:24 PM

    Rhino Rodeo? Sign me up, motherfucker.

    ReplyDelete
  4. WaaaoiJanuary 30, 2011 at 8:28 PM

    No death is manly, just death.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Murray RothbardJanuary 30, 2011 at 8:44 PM

    I like it, very... original.
    I'll be following you around like a stalker, man.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The Dynamic TrendJanuary 30, 2011 at 9:26 PM

    You've got to draw more.

    ReplyDelete
  7. mintyboboJanuary 30, 2011 at 9:36 PM

    Funniest blog I've read in a long time. Good stuff, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Zach ShayJanuary 30, 2011 at 9:57 PM

    pretty entertaining

    ReplyDelete
  9. Chock Full of BSJanuary 30, 2011 at 10:06 PM

    Unfortunately, I can see myself getting owned by bees. not good.

    ReplyDelete
  10. madotsukiJanuary 30, 2011 at 10:48 PM

    My personal favorites are suicide by jumping into a wood chipper, drowning, starvation or dehydration, and carbon monoxide poisoning.

    ReplyDelete
  11. No EscapeJanuary 30, 2011 at 10:49 PM

    ;_; now you've got me crying over one of my favorite wrestlers...

    ReplyDelete
  12. ChristianJanuary 30, 2011 at 11:10 PM

    Next time I die, I'll remember this.

    ReplyDelete
  13. TaggartpressJanuary 30, 2011 at 11:10 PM

    Lol. Utterly tasteless, but hilarious all the same.

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousJanuary 30, 2011 at 11:14 PM

    LOL awesome post. And the picture just makes it that much better

    ReplyDelete
  15. AdamJanuary 30, 2011 at 11:15 PM

    Thanks for the great comments guys 8) keep looking out here, I'll try to update this often with more material like this.

    ReplyDelete
  16. SnailMailHateJanuary 30, 2011 at 11:23 PM

    I foresee a cancerous death for me.

    Not good.

    ReplyDelete
  17. ZachJanuary 31, 2011 at 1:37 AM

    Is that a carrot? o.0

    -Zach
    www.evanztories.blogspot.com
    www.ducks2nucks.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. Turanic RaiderJanuary 31, 2011 at 3:21 AM

    "Getting eaten by an elephant? They're herbivores and you happened to look like a plant. Vegetation and vegetarians are very unmanly."

    I love you lol. Followed

    ReplyDelete
  19. my day in a sentenceJanuary 31, 2011 at 3:46 AM

    Look, this is your blog and you should feel comfortable to use it in any way you like. :)
    Following and supporting!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Kai DrakkenJanuary 31, 2011 at 6:32 AM

    Dude, bees are manly. There are hornets out there larger then some birds. Think of what a swarm of those would do to some poor smuck.

    Check me out at:
    http://brassdragons.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  21. ericsJanuary 31, 2011 at 6:46 AM

    the worst way to die for me will always be drowning. nothing like not being capable of taking air into your lungs.

    ReplyDelete
  22. AnonymousJanuary 31, 2011 at 9:14 AM

    The only way I would want to die is fighting Chuck Norris!

    ReplyDelete
  23. The Original G-RaffJanuary 31, 2011 at 12:29 PM

    I would not want to burn alive. That to me, is the most horrific way to die.

    ReplyDelete

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